How can I study….

when my table is still filled with all the wires and gadgets?

Myself

4 weeks ago, according to ktk who met me for the first time, I was an Ah Beng geek.

But does my future and career prospects demand an Ah Beng geek? No.

An undead told me that I that I was selling my soul away as I try to transform myself into the ideal me. I said it was for my future. He shook his head in disbelief.

Anyone who know me from my pre-army day would know that I am a person who simply refuses to adhere to the norm. I think out of the box. I do different things and do them in different ways. To me there was nothing more important than my passion and interest. Academic studies was of no interest to me. I merely treat it as a bare necessity, like how we need to drink water to stay alive, I touch the textbook occasionally only because I had to. While academic is the life and soul of every single school mates, I became an outcast, a weird eccentric who didn’t know better.

Yet, the irony is that, as I mature, and for the sake of being able to continue to pursue my varied interests and passions in the future, I had to conform to the norm. I had to reshape my thinking, my attitude, my behavior, all aspects of my soul, so as to warrant myself a bright future, a future that would allow me to continue following my interests and passions without worries face by my low-income parents currently. It is not coincidental that my father has no hobby. He couldn’t afford it. I am determined not to end up the same way.

To be able to pursue my interests, hobbies, passion whatever you call it in future I would need a stable income. And for that I need to grasp my future.

I used to think that jobs can encompass interests. How sweet it would be if my job is also my hobby? But from my limited working experience I had observed workers all the way from blue to white collars. No one is inherently happy with their job. Even if your job was your hobby at the start, sooner or later it will not be. There are more to jobs than what you do during it.

Didn’t we all learn that Singapore had no natural resource, and that the people are Singapore’s only resource? Do you actually feel proud about this? Natural resources only serve the role of providing the nation or government its wealth, and in other words, Singapore is a country that acquires its economic wealth from its large unquestioning working population. And when things get greedy, we import more workers. Is there happiness to be derived from working in such a country? Are you so naive as to imagine there is something called job satisfaction here?

Thus my plan was to aim to make more personal wealth and use it to make up for all that I had to put up with.

Zombie told me, he would stick with my former beliefs, that of doing only things that one is passionate about. To the current me, that’s just wasting time. But who is correct? Who am I to judge?

Zombie told me that he would change the system by being different, and waiting for others to join him. I want to change the system by being part of it and changing it from within. Who was right? This struggle was portrayed in the anime Code Geass and even after 50 episodes and with the death of the one who wanted to change the system from outside, there was no real conclusion to the problem.

The possibilities are endless, no one could predict the future. Yet once we reach there, there would be no reset button.

I certainly hope I made the right choice. And that his choice is correct too.

For now, I can only carry on walking down this lightness tunnel hoping that I would not end up at a dead end.