Seriously, what the fuck?

What is the fucking big idea of waking me up so early in the morning, turning off my air-con and then closing my door? Do they know that my fucking spoilt air-con will finally cool my hot and stuffy room down after their off theirs? Instead they off my air-con and left the fan running. What the hell do you think running a fan in a zero-ventilated room will do? If they want to kill me by suffocation they can always do it more directly. I left the air-con running not because it would cool down my room, but because it would at least provide some ventilation for my room.

What the fuck is wrong with them making such a fuss when I mention that I have dug deep into my personal savings. I added nearly 3k to it from my own personal freelance work to it after taking over the account from their care and I have no right to even use it? Will they give me money to buy extra hard drives to backup my work? Will they even sponsor me for any gadgets that I need and have to buy? Will they even part with their money to let me buy things like PSP, mp3 players, that every single normal teenagers of my age have? Would they sponsor me the capital necessary to run my online shop? I am sensible enough to save up and pay for everything myself without even approaching them to ask for money for these stuff, but they are not sensible enough to entertain the idea of me using the money I made doing freelance work in JC to acquire all these stuff that they were unable to provide or fun. Are just paying lip services when they realized I somehow got something I am good in (IT stuff), and that they will support me in whatever I do, only to treat me like a madman when I mention that I am paying over $200 per year for web hosting and domains (which is very cheap already). Did they expect me to come up with any websites like The Wicked by putting the files in my floppy disks?

When I ORDed and I wanted to find tuition jobs that pay so much better, they were skeptical and instead asked me to find a “proper” 8-5 job to see what the real working world is like. Thank you so much for bringing me into a second phase of depression after seeing how the real working world is like at the age when I was still supposed to be optimistic about the future. Thank you forcing me into a job that paid me slightly over 2k in 3 months while my friends teaching tuition are easily making this amount in one. With my ambition and optimism shot, thank you once again for making a fuss that these miserable money from 3 months of work is supposed to be my pocket money? And I was supposed to save for 4 years of Uni pocket money during the 2 years in army and 3 months of crap work?

Have you done at least basic elementary maths? My average army pay was 440. 2 years of 460 gives 10560. And this is supposed to cover my living expenses while both in Uni and Army? That is $141 per month! With the cost of Singapore transport as it is, I am left with less than $90 per month! And this is excluding buying of any items that I do not wish to ask for money from them to buy, and my hosting fees.

Do I ever dream of them sponsoring me for all these stuff no? For as long as I can remember we were in the proper relationship. Other than stuff that are absolutely need for studies, I will not ask them for money. Now that is the big idea of saying that they will only be giving me enough pocket money for food? Then where the fuck am I going to find money to even have a life? Where am I supposed to scrape that money together from? Am I am not supposed to touch my saving? Should I resort to stealing next?

I don’t smoke, I don’t drink, I don’t club. And my girlfriend is nice enough to understand how wasteful buying random crappy gifts like flowers and soft toys can be. Yet even while in army my monthly expenses are over $200. And thats was with daily FREE COOKHOUSE FOOD. Now what am I supposed to do with much much less than that?

For a beginner according to observers I have shown some promise when it comes to drifting and off-road skills in my remote control hobby. And I will never ever be able to develop them because I will never have money to buy the proper stuff to bring the hobby to another level. Am I complaining? No.

Imagine, $50 per week, as an SMU student. There are no canteens in SMU and food is at food court prices. Almost every SMU students come from at least upper middle class families.

Everyday I’ll have to buy my own breakfast and lunch, sometimes even dinner. Weekends, I also have to go out with my girlfriend or camp in school to study right? How will I have enough left from the $50 to save up for things I need? Must I really resort to asking for $7 whenever I ran out of my facial wash? $2 when I need a new pen and so on? Or was I supposed to put up with $10+ for food after I buy a $30 shirt that week, or the 16GB SD card which I absolutely need right now? Am i supposed to ask you for everything I need like a small kid? In other words, if I see something I want or need to buy.. if buy already no need eat?

I didn’t expect them to be able to give much for my pocket money anyway. I as long as I get over the initial shock of $50 per week, I’ll be just fine. I will find other means to finance myself, although its not easy. But seriously what the fuck is wrong with their attitude?

Don’t worry. Your sensible (a-hem) son who never expected that much out of you had already worked something out. I go apply for the MOE Bursary. With our miserable capita for head I can easily get a bursary of 1.2k yearly. That would boast my monthly allowances by $100. And once I get a tuition, just one tuition, I would not need you to give me any crap allowances anymore. You can go spend that money on all the crap durians you want to eat.

What is more, I think I shall eat the oily unhealthy economical bee hoon everyday because it is the cheapest. For $1 (upsize from $0.80) you get enough bee hoon to eat for 2 meals. Then with another $0.80 you get to buy a big otah. Then I’ll just have to buy a pack to bring to school everyday. That would certainly help me alot to survive with less money. Imagine only spending $1.80 for food daily!

Isn’t this like what happened in my JC and secondary school days? Where I spent less than a dollar on most meals to save money? I spent so little on food so that I can save up the miserable pocket money I was given to buy gadgets and stuff that I want and that they would never buy for me. I’m used to it. Not one of my classmates believe that I saved up for all the things I had on my own without asking my parents for any single cents.

I perfectly understand that my family is not well off. But when a family with similar capita per head as us is able to cough out $300 pocket money for EACH of their their two children, something is really amiss. Are my parents incompetent? Or was I being insensible and expecting too much?

So yes, I am not unhappy about them giving me insufficient money for allowances. It is the perfect lack of understanding of what I need they seriously pissed me off.

And with their insistence that the air-con is working perfectly (only the unit in their room works properly) and broken promise that they would replace it after I ORD (I orded 5 months ago), I just have to put up with studying in a humid and stuffy (its the location of my room to be blamed, my windows cannot be opened at night for the fear of theft and for privacy) room every night. How many people take showers at 2am in the night because they sweat like a pig due to the temperature?

And before anyone wants to comment to ask me to stop whining. Fuck to that. I wanted to whine which is why I posted this. I seldom whine, so now, please just let me have have my own way to whine for awhile will you?

And I feel so much better after typing all these. Time to have a great day ahead.