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The 3 types of Muggers

line The 3 types of Muggers

I am not a mugger in all sense of the word, but I have lived among them for nearly 10 years. After observing muggers for 4 years in The Chinese High School (now known as Hwa Chong Institution), 2 years in Anderson Junior College (the No.1 mugger JC with NO results to show that fact) and 3 years in Singapore Management University, I realized there are actually only 3 distinct types of muggers. Let’s see.

The Serious Muggers
The Serious Muggers are the most rare breed that you can find. They can be found in huge abundance in The Chinese High School but I don’t really see them in Anderson Junior College. A small number of them can be found in Singapore Management University, but they are the exceptions rather than the norm. Serious Muggers are muggers who meant business. These people spend the bulk of their life studying. They look exactly the same and have the exact same posture whether or not it is 7am in the morning or 11pm at night and you would have sworn they are mannequins if not for the occasional rise and fall of their chest when they decide to input something other than knowledge into their body and output something other than grades.

The Closet Muggers
No, they don’t literally hide in closets, even though if they can find a closet large enough with sufficient lightings, they probably would. These muggers are seriously in need of psychological evaluation, as they often have issues with coming to terms with their own identity. Their favourite phrase to their peers is “Why mug? Don’t need mug lar…” Some may say that this is a smart application of game theory, but we may never know the truth. Some Closet Muggers are also Serious Muggers, and Serious Closet Muggers are the most scary muggers in existence because they give a whole new meaning to the words “zombie”, “no life”, and “bell curve”.

The Social Muggers
Social muggers love to mug in plain sight of their peers and in fact, prefers to mug with their peers, who are also Social Muggers. They are characterised by their loud chatters and abundance of food and beverages during mugging sessions and tend can be randomly encountered in places with lots of good books or cheap food, such as Libraries and McDonald’s. Sadly, like any other pests, they multiply and displaces the natives in any environment they go too. Avid library goers stop going to libraries because of the huge noise population that Social Muggers produced, and McDonald’s customers have to take out as there are no more seats in the restaurant. One may argue that Social Muggers aren’t really muggers at all – they spend more time eating and talking than studying. Social Muggers can never be confused with Closet Muggers, since the lack of good books and cheap food in closets make closets unlikely habitats for Social Muggers.

So this is it, these are my 3 classifications of muggers. Can you think of any more?

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