I, Dyslexia

I am more and more convinced that I have a certain form of Dyslexia, due to my inability to handle the intracity of grammar and spelling. I was also unable to pronounce properly most of the multi-syllabus words. This only applies for the English Language though.

Due to this, I was afraid of speaking English in the public or to the public. When ordering food in a restaurant or food outlet that I have never been to before, I did not know how to pronounce half the items on the menu. A “Whopper” is a “wooopar”, and a “Spicy fries” is a “Spicy Pries”. My tongue knot itself against most words, almost like a tongue twister. Buying movie tickets is also another problem. When shopping for items, I was afraid to speak to the sales staff in English. My girlfriend would almost always end up as the one doing the ordering/talking. What a miserable coward I am.

Strange enough, I was able to write. I seem to understand how sentences are constructed. Perhaps this is due to my many years of programming experiences. Many people believe that programmers who are strong with programming languages are also strong in mathematics and communicative languages. Perhaps this is why I have gotten an A2 in General Paper for A Levels, an extraordinary feat that those who know me would not believe.

While in Army serving as a Regimental and Disciplinary clerk, I had to communicate with many other military personnels (some of whom with IMBA ranks) on a very regular basis. I even had to give instructions to those with ranks more superior than mine and make various plans and arrangements to make things happen. Conduct to briefing by myself to all CSM in my unit. check. Organise large scale talks for an entire company. Check. Plan and execute Urine Screening Exercise. Check. Send people into Detention Barracks with all the necessary arrangements and parties involved informed. Check.

The standard of spoken English in Army is atrocious. I shall not go into the details, but this was a good thing as it enabled me to feel more at ease while dishing out my equally atrocious spoken English. After 1 year plus of serving as a R&D Clerk, I have grown pretty comfortable with speaking out despite my dyslexia, and I thought that this would be enough “training” for me to speak out in the real world.

I was wrong. After ORD, I was still hiding in my shell. And I knew I was in trouble as the start of my University life was just around the corner.

Zombie, despite his loud and obnoxious demeanor that somehow managed to put many people who knew him off, was able to communicate perfectly well to strangers (sales assistance, customer services, etc). I was both surprised and impressed by this. Could he hold the key to freeing me from my shell?

After going out with him for a couple of times, I begin to see how I could be less self conscious in the public and speak out more. I do not know exactly how to describe this, but I feel like it has worked. while in SMU I was able to communicate with the seniors without shying away. I found myself taking the initiative to speak to the staff to buy movie tickets and order food from a restaurant that I have never been to before. I even joked with a sales assistant while buying clothes! That is a OMGWTF change.

What this change means for my future life as a student in SMU where speaking out is very crucial is still too early to be determined. But I am no longer that ashamed and self conscious of my Dyslexia.

There are still parts of the shells left to be broken. With practice and determination, I am confident that they can be broken fast, and with relative ease.

Onward.